Archive for January, 2009

Eye on the Prize

January 22, 2009

I’m still committed to completing my novel. My time frame is a little off given everything but I still want to complete it. Right now, it’s hard for me to reconsider my time frame and goals.

I talk to my sister who has returned to her photography work. I commend her determination and discipline but she has clients she must answer to, and she is a mere 20 weeks pregnant. Writing this in it of itself feels like an accomplishment. I’ll keep the site posted.

Advertisements

The Tipping Point

January 14, 2009

I saw Malcolm Gladwell the other day and thought about his book The Tipping Point. For those who don’t want to read 200 pages about a concept that can be summarized in one sentence, the book explores the concept of the final straw that breaks the camel’s back. I’ve been thinking about the tipping points in my life.

During this emotional rollercoaster of coping with the sudden loss of my mom, I’ve been prone to burst into tears. I don’t know what sets me off, sometimes it is hearing The Beatle’s “When I’m 64” because my mom did not even live 64 years, of course neither did John Lennon, George Harrison or Linda McCartney, or thinking about how much I will miss her when my child arrives within the next week or so.

My sister and I wonder futilely if there was an earlier tipping point, could we have changed the outcome. My mom, with an advanced rare form of cancer, had been traveling in India when she checked into a hospital. By the time we realized her condition was severe enough to order an air ambulance to bring her home she was quite sick. She hung on until the air ambulance doctors arrived but never made it to the plane on the tarmac.

So, I type this listlessly, wondering when/if life will return to normal.. I know this is a but of a ramble, but I’m trying to write, to move forward, to do something other than cry hysterically like I did today in my doctor’s office.

Flood of Emotions

January 4, 2009

I suppose I should be writing more these days, documenting what is happening and how I am feeling after losing my mom, bonding with my family, taking over my mom’s business and getting ready to deliver a new baby. But with a full plate and a flood of emotions, it’s been hard.

I always tell myself there is no convenient time to write and it will likely never be easier than today to put the pen to the paper or rather the fingers to the keyboard. I haven’t even glanced at my book, but I’m hoping that I have a current copy at home on my jump drive and I can locate said jump drive. But I have not been concerned enough to look for the file.

I should probably focus on some stuff for my building but that hasn’t happened and I know my sister wants me to track down some stuff from my mom’s business, write some letters and do some calculations but that hasn’t really happened either.

My daughter ensures that I do get out of bed every morning and remain quasi attentive but some days a shower feels like a major accomplishment (forget about shaving).

I feel like there is a Shel Silverstein poem in this predicament, about someone who knows she should write, but all she can write is how she is unmotivated to write.
Readers…any takers…would love to hear.

I’m going to bed and hoping I get some contractions or my water breaks tonight.