The Unfairness of it All

Life is equally unfair.

This simple sentence has provided immense comfort as I think how unfair it is that I don’t have my mom.

When I told a college friend about my mom’s passing, she shook her said no, I can’t imagine that as if a word without her inspiring and opinionated mother did not exist. I reminded her, don’t you think I felt that way?

I suppose if my mom and I were not as close her loss would have been easier, but it also meant that I would have missed out on our laughter, adventures and friendship.

Lately I’ve been very emotional about not having my mom, the wound healing but still very raw after two and a half years. I found a table on the internet that I love for sale in Virginia. The owner asked if I ever made my way to Virginia and all I could think is that I could send my mom the picture of the table and she’d likely say, let’s go down to Virginia for 48 hours and look at it and do X Y and Z touristy thing.

Of course I should be honest with myself and acknowledge that she could say, summer is the rare time I like being home and I’ll travel with you in September. Both very possible.

As part of the From Left to Write Book Club I read The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elizabeth Tova Bailey. In her 30s, the author was struck with a mysterious and debilitating illness leaving her bedridden. A friend brings her a piece of the outdoors: some leaves, dirt, twigs and a snail. The mollusk becomes her companion, mentor and diversion. That this young writer must retreat from society with barely enough energy to roll over and see her snail is totally unfair. The list goes on on and on of good people who hit adversity, suffer loss, experience pain.

And somehow, that every person suffers his or her own adversity is supposed to give us comfort. Some tragedies are more severe than others, some create new opportunities, and some knock the wind out of us. But life continues and it is our choice to rejoin.


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3 Responses to “The Unfairness of it All”

  1. Emily Says:

    It is a cliche saying but everything IS relative. One does not have to experience what the author had in The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating to know sorrow and pain. You cannot know the pain and helplessness of a chronically ill person and I hope you never do. But I would never say to you, Your life is a party compared to mine! Everyones suffering is their own and we are all entitled to feel the way we want to. Just as someone from a third country could look at me and think I am living the life of Riley.

  2. The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey Book Club Day Says:

    […] Helen P of I Want a Book Deal ponders life’s unfairness […]

  3. Jennie B Says:

    So sorry about the loss of your mom.

    You are so right about life being hard for everyone. My son has autism and I often feel sorry for myself, but then a friend was recently diagnosed with cancer. It put some perspective on things.

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