Archive for the ‘Mom’ Category

The Cycle of Life

September 25, 2015

In six years I have had two children and watched my immediate family include seven new nieces and nephews.  During this time I’ve said good bye in order to my mom, my uncle, my dad, my paternal grandma and most recently my maternal grandma.  In between a good family friend and two of my husband’s uncles passed.

 

It gets easier to accept people moving on, as we make room for new lives in our heart.  The ache may be less though the void is still pronounced.  I have a litney of  lines I share with people when they lose someone, as now I’ve become a defunct expert on such tragedies.

 

It’s always too soon.

How lucky to have someone whose absence is so devastating.

(most of the time) It’s the right cycle of life.  We are supposed to say goodbye to our elders.

We have one guarantee in life, nobody survives.

It’s awful.  It’s supposed to suck.

 

And still I find myself moving to a new home, celebrating birthdays, enjoying the magic of the mundane with my kids and missing my parents and grandparents.  I suppose I’ll never stop missing them and wanting to share with them.  And what a privilege I had sharing these moments with them  when they were alive.

 

I’ve also become more zen about my inevitable passing.  It can happen at any moment so I try to enjoy as much as I can not waiting for that perfect time to buy, do or go somewhere. Sometimes this joie de vivre frustrates others, but in the words of my mom it is not a dress rehearsal.

 

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Mamma Said

September 15, 2012

Would you be interested in a book filled with wisdom from my mom?

 

I hate to give my mother so much credit but she was filled with succinct advice that shapes my life today.  People tell me I’m relaxed, I’m one of the happier people one knows, or similar generous comments that make me feel more well adjusted than I am.  I attribute much of my laid back personality to my mom who never let one thing quite consume her.  We would laugh at everything!

 

One night in India, my mom sister and I are crammed in the back of some bike drawn carriage at the invitation of a local we had met earlier in the day.  One traffic accident later we are stopped in the middle of the street.  Countless Indians shade their eyes as they peer into the window of three American women, one blonde.  After a seemingly eternity later with nominal communication between us and the cyclist most people would have been inpatient.  Us, we were laughing at the eyes continually evaluating us.  “So this is what it feels like to be a goldfish.”

 

My mom’s truism are even more relevant today.

* There are no accidents.

* Perception is reality.

* Hell is where all your wishes come true.

* You get what you pay for.

* Never pay retail  ~there are exceptions to this rule.

* Screw me once, shame on you, Screw me twice shame on me.

 

The Unfairness of it All

June 4, 2011

Life is equally unfair.

This simple sentence has provided immense comfort as I think how unfair it is that I don’t have my mom.

When I told a college friend about my mom’s passing, she shook her said no, I can’t imagine that as if a word without her inspiring and opinionated mother did not exist. I reminded her, don’t you think I felt that way?

I suppose if my mom and I were not as close her loss would have been easier, but it also meant that I would have missed out on our laughter, adventures and friendship.
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Room for Improvement

September 27, 2010


As part of the Left to Write blog, I was given a free copy of Room by Emma Donoghue. The book has generated some hype recently, but I suppose a write up cover of the New York Times Book Review section will do that. I began the book late this weekend but given some fervent opposition to the book by my fellow bloggers and the late arrival of said novel, I did not finish the story narrated by a five year old boy locked in a room with his mother.

I feel badly for not completing the book, or really reading more of it. When children are pulling off their diapers sitting in wet cribs and screaming bloody murder, a book must be engaging enough to maintain my attention. Of course, as part of the Left to Write blog, I don’t have to write a report, merely a blog inspired by the book. And if I don’t? I can’t imagine my imaginary mommy friends in the blogosphere will disown me. Will you?
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End of a Chapter

June 17, 2010

I’ve been writing for NYC Mom’s Blog, a site for mommy (and daddy) bloggers, part of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. In many ways I felt like an impostor on the site.

I’d write my minimum two posts a month, sometimes even sneaking in a third and read about *real* mom bloggers who offered giveaways or generated income from their sites. And me, I’m just a mom from New York who would really like a book deal and manages to squeeze in a bit of writing here and there. When my mom passed, I debated keeping my bimonthly commitment to the site but forced myself to do so. In writing the posts, I found myself revisiting my other blog sites, this one and Milf Alert.
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If You Knew Suzy

April 19, 2010

I just finished a book by a writer who lost her mother to cancer. Reading it, I felt like I could have written it. I found myself nodding in agreement of certain maternal descriptions and shaking my head to others.

If You Knew Suzy: A Mother, A Daughter, A Reporter’s Notebook by Katherine Rosman is a daughter’s discovery and reflection surrounding her mother’s ultimately fatal fight with lung cancer. Katherine tracks down people who both influenced her mother and those whom her mom influenced. There were no great epiphanies but I imagine closure for the author.
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I Miss My Mommy

March 15, 2010

She was in my dream last night. I remember whispering to my sister, who is going to tell her we gave away her store and most of her closet.

I have to remind myself that she is not coming home. We left her pajamas hanging on the back of the bathroom door for months. As if she would come hoe and put them on and life could return to normal.

It won’t. Death is the most final thing in the world. We live in a world where we unequivocally know that not a soul, ourselves included, will make it out alive. What does “make it out” even mean? When you lose someone close you seriously consider the afterlife, and explore your notions whatever they may be of what it means to pass on.

Slowly Making a Dent

February 22, 2010

Right now I am sitting in a local Le Pain Quotidien with my laptop and a tart juice. I am writing. I am a writer.

I wrote a little bit about my mom as I am still coping with that experience, as I imagine I will be for years to come. So no, not my book. And I think that is okay.

So long as i continue to write *something* I am not stalling.
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If I had an Editor

February 8, 2010

If I had an editor I’d write more. I’d reread what I wrote. I’d make changes before I hit send or publish or whatever button sends my writing into the world for readers.

I’d write more. I’d write regularly.

But I do not have an editor. My fan club is small. Non-existent. But I still must write.

I’ve been writing more regularly which makes me want to write more. Like the exercise conundrum. The more you work out the easier it is to motivate to work out again.
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Writing through fear

December 19, 2009

My mom wondered why I had such a hard time writing. And if I did, perhaps that was a sign that I was not meant to be a writer. She questioned if I feared success as much as I feared failure.
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