Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

The Cycle of Life

September 25, 2015

In six years I have had two children and watched my immediate family include seven new nieces and nephews.  During this time I’ve said good bye in order to my mom, my uncle, my dad, my paternal grandma and most recently my maternal grandma.  In between a good family friend and two of my husband’s uncles passed.


It gets easier to accept people moving on, as we make room for new lives in our heart.  The ache may be less though the void is still pronounced.  I have a litney of  lines I share with people when they lose someone, as now I’ve become a defunct expert on such tragedies.


It’s always too soon.

How lucky to have someone whose absence is so devastating.

(most of the time) It’s the right cycle of life.  We are supposed to say goodbye to our elders.

We have one guarantee in life, nobody survives.

It’s awful.  It’s supposed to suck.


And still I find myself moving to a new home, celebrating birthdays, enjoying the magic of the mundane with my kids and missing my parents and grandparents.  I suppose I’ll never stop missing them and wanting to share with them.  And what a privilege I had sharing these moments with them  when they were alive.


I’ve also become more zen about my inevitable passing.  It can happen at any moment so I try to enjoy as much as I can not waiting for that perfect time to buy, do or go somewhere. Sometimes this joie de vivre frustrates others, but in the words of my mom it is not a dress rehearsal.



Mamma Said

September 15, 2012

Would you be interested in a book filled with wisdom from my mom?


I hate to give my mother so much credit but she was filled with succinct advice that shapes my life today.  People tell me I’m relaxed, I’m one of the happier people one knows, or similar generous comments that make me feel more well adjusted than I am.  I attribute much of my laid back personality to my mom who never let one thing quite consume her.  We would laugh at everything!


One night in India, my mom sister and I are crammed in the back of some bike drawn carriage at the invitation of a local we had met earlier in the day.  One traffic accident later we are stopped in the middle of the street.  Countless Indians shade their eyes as they peer into the window of three American women, one blonde.  After a seemingly eternity later with nominal communication between us and the cyclist most people would have been inpatient.  Us, we were laughing at the eyes continually evaluating us.  “So this is what it feels like to be a goldfish.”


My mom’s truism are even more relevant today.

* There are no accidents.

* Perception is reality.

* Hell is where all your wishes come true.

* You get what you pay for.

* Never pay retail  ~there are exceptions to this rule.

* Screw me once, shame on you, Screw me twice shame on me.


Room for Improvement

September 27, 2010

As part of the Left to Write blog, I was given a free copy of Room by Emma Donoghue. The book has generated some hype recently, but I suppose a write up cover of the New York Times Book Review section will do that. I began the book late this weekend but given some fervent opposition to the book by my fellow bloggers and the late arrival of said novel, I did not finish the story narrated by a five year old boy locked in a room with his mother.

I feel badly for not completing the book, or really reading more of it. When children are pulling off their diapers sitting in wet cribs and screaming bloody murder, a book must be engaging enough to maintain my attention. Of course, as part of the Left to Write blog, I don’t have to write a report, merely a blog inspired by the book. And if I don’t? I can’t imagine my imaginary mommy friends in the blogosphere will disown me. Will you?

End of a Chapter

June 17, 2010

I’ve been writing for NYC Mom’s Blog, a site for mommy (and daddy) bloggers, part of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. In many ways I felt like an impostor on the site.

I’d write my minimum two posts a month, sometimes even sneaking in a third and read about *real* mom bloggers who offered giveaways or generated income from their sites. And me, I’m just a mom from New York who would really like a book deal and manages to squeeze in a bit of writing here and there. When my mom passed, I debated keeping my bimonthly commitment to the site but forced myself to do so. In writing the posts, I found myself revisiting my other blog sites, this one and Milf Alert.

Less Impact Woman

May 17, 2010

After watching No Impact Man a documentary about writer Colin Beavan and his family’s attempt to eliminate his carbon footprint for one year, I’ve tried cutting back.

I figure even a small step will make a difference. So I’ve been writing to the companies whose products I love to order on the Internet and cancel my catalog subscription. I’ve been more conscious about keeping a fabric bag under the stroller and I try to buy products with less packaging. Progress, not perfection.


You’re Reading This

April 20, 2010

I’ve heard it said countless times from countless professionals in varying forms, they feel like a fraud.

My mom used to say, you want to be a writer, proof! You’re a writer. And you can substitute writer for photographer, jewelry designer, costumer, actress, singer, you get the point.

My grandmother’s friend reached out to me because her thirteen year old son is scared to try new things lest he fail. And while she wanted advice on how to break this behavior I could relate.

Lost: Memory

October 29, 2009

I’ve been operating on auto-pilot lately. The only way I’ve been able to cope is to look at few steps ahead of me while remembering about half a step behind me.

I don’t remember what I had for dinner two nights ago or what I will do two days from now. With the help of my iPhone and those little alerts that pop up as reminders, I’m able to accomplish all of the important stuff.

Writing without Judgment

October 21, 2009

I cannot remember where I heard this great advice, write as if everyone you know is dead.

Quite liberating. Keeping these blogs quasi quiet and not having my mother’s influential eye observing me as enabled me to write more freely than I could have fathomed.


Careful What you Wish for

October 5, 2009

My mom would always say careful what you wish for it might come true, or more succinctly – Hell is where all of your wishes come true. I used to want to be famous and would happily settle for notoriety. But I honestly could not fathom people interrupting me constantly in public. Although, that could be a small price to pay for never having to wait for a table at a hot restaurant and being comped fabulous designer clothes.

I wanted to be a published author. I suppose I am, in magazines and some local papers but it has not changed my life the way I had envisioned and it is a hell of a lot more work, hustling if you will, to make it all happen. Any job for that matter is not nearly as glamourous as it may seem. Actors work 16 hour days and have to hustle for their work. Art Dealers are underminded all of the time. Store/ boutique owners have to bust their buts to make it look effortless. and my absolute favorite – synchronized swimmers, who are truly amazing athletes must make their performance seem effortless. Points are actually deducted if they do not smile. Not sure what i am saying, but I’m in my office, got the internet hooked up and am really enjoying typing on my computer without my refrigerator, telephone or kids vying for my attention. Perhaps all I really want is a few minutes of silence every now and then.

Julie and Julia and Me

September 8, 2009

Just saw the super cute movie Julie & Julia and besides wanting to cook a Beef Bourguignon could relate to the movie.

The similarities between me and Julie the blogger are:
We are both bloggers
we both have novels we wished were published
issues with our parents – although I miss my mom’s encouragement but not her critiques
right around 30 years old (I think I’m a year older than Julie is in the movie)
New Yorkers – although she is in Queens
we both have (had?) doubts about ourselves as writers. Hard to believe Julie Powell does now given her book and movie with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams by Nora Ephron.

Nora Ephron effortlessly parallels the two women’s lives before their tomes reach the printing press and it’s comforting to know that Julia Child did not become “Julia Child” until she was in her 40s or 50s.

On some levels I too wonder when I will come into my own. there are many days I feel like I have in terms of business – although I did file my mother’s estate tax returns today which frees up one major responsibility – and as a mom and a wife. In other ways I’m embarrassed about my success – or lack thereof as a writer.