Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Open Mindset

March 18, 2015

On my sister’s recommendation I began reading a book about mindsets.

Based on the initial questions and my natural disposition I felt I had an open mindset.  I was after all reading a book about accepting new ideas.  Continuous examples of the ways ego or insecurities can put blinders on leaders to lasting effects.   Scientists proved that merely suggesting that a skill or trait is inherent drastically influences performance and honesty.  It has an effect on risks and rebounding from falls.

Knowledge is power.

Just like Dr. Sarno, author of the mind body connection, cures lifetimes of severe and debilitating back pain, shoulder pain, migraines and more to patients with an open mind.

Surgery is the number one placebo.

I’ve diagnosed Hubby with TMS, too much stress.  With his fixed mindset he won’t drink the kool-aid.  And drink it you must, as the cure only works if you completely surrender to the diagnosis and believe that you can cure it.

Tomorrow he gets his blood work results for the new foot, the one that did not have surgery. I know he wants me to validate his pain.  With my severe back spasms I know the pain is severe. Regardless of the results, I am confident the physical pain is equally unbearable.  Wonder what Hubby subconsciously hopes the results will reveal.


Terrorist tendencies

January 12, 2011

In my vain attempt to find out why someone visited my non advertised discreet blog, I was able to track how a reader found my site.

There is the occasional cross post, an incentive when I first joined the now defunct NYC Moms Blog. Then there is the random blog that directed two people in one week. Some website that included me enough to entice two readers, however briefly, to read my work at my sister blog, Milf Alert.

So I clicked. The portal showed a car with a brick paint job. The black brick motif extended to th wheels and hubcaps. In the photo a woman with an umbrella observes the unusual car. The site fancies itself a portal, and other than “password” and “ebook” I did not recognize any words or the language. Among the tags, I only identified Israel twice.

At first I thought this could be a terrorist site that lures recruits by visiting their blogs, and given said fear, I closed the screen.

Cancer Edit

August 16, 2010

I survived my parents’ cancer. My mother did not survive her most recent bout, but through every doctor’s appointment and surgery I was by her side, that is before she went to India where she died.

Then my dad was diagnosed with his second cancer in as many years and I watched him cope with it differently than my mother. He went from controlling to morbid, to unfunny attempts at humor to annoying.

I know it is not fair to expect two people to handle disease and diagnosis the same way but my father’s narcissistic coping mechanism made him bland company. So it was with great hidden disgust that I agreed to help him edit an essay for his cancer survivor’s group.

Fortunately it was only two pages of narcissism and given that it lacked a cohesive theme I was able to offer a handful of notes. He wrote two things that particularly annoyed me; one was how when he had to go into Manhattan for an appointment he made plans so the trip would not be exclusively about the hospital. During this ordeal, he did not travel downtown to see me or his grandchildren. When my mom was seeking treatment, we made plan weeks in advance down to where we would eat and what we might order and how she would travel uptown. Perhaps for my dad, seeing his friends was more cathartic than his daughter. In which case, I reserve the same right not to be with him every day when we are in his hometown.

The second thing that irked me was that he wrote about his experience receiving the chemotherapy for the first time when a wave of chills overtook his body. *I was worried about my daughter seeing me and freaking out.*

I picked out wigs with my mom, shared her hospital bed for a hysterectomy and then when the stitches and then her organs fell out. I’ve seen my parents sick. Deathly sick. I’m not proud of it, but there is a part of me that knows, through my sister, that he was jealous of how I attended to my mom during her sickness.

Maybe he was really concerned and wanted to protect me. I just don’t see why of all of the things that experience has to be included in his 500 word essay. My husband tells me that I can politely decline helping him as I do not want to relive his cancer. Perhaps.

Zen and the Art of Prison

June 30, 2010

It was great curiosity and fear that I read Piper Kerman’s Orange is The New Black. We both came from nice New England families, graduated from the same college and made foolish mistakes after college. Piper’s mistake was transporting a suitcase full of cash to Europe for a drug dealer. Ten years after the ordeal she finds herself in a minimum security federal prison for a year.

Like the author, post college I was looking for an adventure and would have contemplated something as idiotic as participating in a drug cartel. I do not know if I would have done anything per se, but I certainly would have considered it.

10,000 Hours

May 25, 2010

According to Malcolm Gladwell one needs to work at something for 10,000 hours to be great. Guess that means I am on my way to being one of the greatest writers. I have not logged my writing hours but certainly whatever I’ve done in the past is adding to my current skill set.

I had rented a space at a writer’s room, an empty loft where I kept my laptop and wrote. After a hiatus longer than I care to admit to, I returned to the space to discover a for rent sign in the window. (more…)

Less Impact Woman

May 17, 2010

After watching No Impact Man a documentary about writer Colin Beavan and his family’s attempt to eliminate his carbon footprint for one year, I’ve tried cutting back.

I figure even a small step will make a difference. So I’ve been writing to the companies whose products I love to order on the Internet and cancel my catalog subscription. I’ve been more conscious about keeping a fabric bag under the stroller and I try to buy products with less packaging. Progress, not perfection.


My Little Frankenstein

May 5, 2010

My son has begun to do that really cute wobbly walk with his arms in front for balance. The Frankenstein walk. Only in Mary Shelly’s famed book, Frankenstein was the doctor who created the unnamed monster so commonly referred to as Frankenstein.

With this knowledge I debate what is the most verbally efficient and accurate way to describe my son’s swagger.

Guilty Pleasures

January 27, 2010

There’s a jealous caddy bitch hiding behind my friendly encouraging demeanor.

I’m trying hard not to practice loshen hora, the idea of gossip but it goes against every natural instinct. I do feel better when I don’t indulge in this immature practice, especially when it involves me hitting my private mute button, but I love hearing stories and juice about other people, especially if it gives me an edge or confirms an ally.

Like Joan Didion, I could be a wallflower at an orgy.

Growing Up

November 4, 2009

Saying what’s on my mind.

just saying things outloud.
i don’t have to edit myself
being free from what people expect of me versus what is best for me
my sister is coming to town and I do not want to drop everything for her.
It is not my first priority, my first priority is me and my immediate family.
strange how my definition of family evolved to matt and the kids

taking care of my grandma, being with her
need my outlet
need to go back to writing

seeing myself wake up
find myself making more responsible choices over the more hedonistic

controlling my emotions – not reacting to every feeling as I have them
no longer relating

need to revisit my writing
my story
my Mona

struggle with doing what is right and weigh two three steps ahead of my thoughts

redefining instant gratification: doing those spontaneous activities – from grabbing a drink with D
not rushing back to the city to see H
Not dropping my life which is what she expects me to do: summer, visit during unveiling

How H felt when I went to get my hair done

Writing, reading focusing on what is important – theme in my life

My husband biggest supporter

Defining the type of person I want to become. being that person.
They say write as if everyone you know is dead, living that way and being ethical

seeing ethics/ values different than that of my family core – struggling with last name – letting go of one identity and assuming the other with my married name.

How Memorable

May 18, 2009

I just returned from my ten year college reunion which was more fun than I would have imagined. On my friends urging, I visited my old advisor. I introduced myself and he shook my hand with such gusto I’m sure he remembered me.

We talked and I told him what I was doing: being a mom, working on a novel, managing real estate, etc. He then started to tell me about a graduate from 10 years ago. I asked him if he was talking about me. The professor is a little kookie – which I guess most college professors are – and he said no. Then he continued to talk about this student whose post collegiate plans mirrored mine. I asked again if he was referring to me. He said no and continued citing more parallels. “Jim,” I said. “I really think you are talking about me.”

He did a double take and realized he was indeed thinking of me. I don’t know if I should be pleased that he remembered specifics about my goals from ten years ago or disappointed because he remember me when I arrived.

From the friends who came up and introduced themselves to me, I reckon I have not physically changed too drastically.